So, my baby boy is not like any other child.. We started noticing small signs that he is different, physio started, we saw his one pupil dilates more than the other, and his right hand was a bit slow to learn about grabbing things, okay so its little things and we are praying that it stays little and that he will be as normal boy as he wants to be. Dr said to watch out for epilepsy, we are still watching and we have faith that it will not appear. Amen.
This is what I think about and it is difficult to talk about:
Writing about your special needs child before he has special needs, it’s too sad to write a song (I write songs, sing and play guitar.. well I used to). The song will be sad. To keep having to wonder how your precious child will grow up. What he will be capable of doing. Waiting for the unknown.
It’s difficult to be a parent to a so called “normal” baby. Or ones “they” we would perceive as normal. Wondering WHEN he will sit on his own, wondering when he will walk.. Because that’s normally a given and its a matter of time before the baby does it… (and if they dont, well then they investigate and see whats “wrong” with the baby… )
Here I am, wondering and hoping that my special baby (all babies are special, but when you have a special needs baby… It’s difficult to call them special… I would like to call my baby… One of a kind..)
My One of a kind baby who will one day walk if he is that one of a kind baby, if he will be able to do maths.. He will be that one of a kind baby.
So IF my one of a kind baby will sit, IF he will be able to crawl. Here you are as a new parent and now instead of worrying about when he will sit/crawl/walk.. you are worrying about IF, if he will sit/crawl/walk.
In my posts, I am going to try stay positive, sometimes it is difficult, if you dont want to read negative things, this next paragraf you should skip…
So here I am still believing in God. But somehow in the back of your head, you question why this has happened if you have been praying to God throughout your whole ordeal (labour). Dont get me wrong, we are still blessed to have our one of a kind baby, but you still question why certain things happen.
When your husband and parents truly believe that our one of a kind baby will be 100%, you often wish you had their faith and strength. But perhaps you just wishing your one of a kind baby away…